Interestingly, these are all internal states. The problem is occurring at an emotional level with the person who’s upset—although most of us think we’re upset about something outside ourselves, that someone else has done something to make us upset. Start by sharing this new perspective with your staff members and ask them to work with it for a few weeks. Tell your team that you hope this perspective will help lessen conflicts and encourage cooperation. Then check in periodically to monitor the results. Remember, when introducing a new concept like this, use a coaching approach of “try this on and see how it fits.” Encourage people to keep an open mind, and not let their old beliefs get in the way. You can both check in individually, with a “What are you learning about yourself from that coaching conversation we had the other day about upsets,” as well as checking in collectively during a staff meeting.

©2005 Brad Swift of Life On Purpose Institute, Inc. This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included.